I was having one of those conversations the other day – you know the kind – in which one of those totemic divisive issues was being kicked around. In this case it was trans rights, and the person I spoke to had firm opinions, which I found myself opposing, albeit wearily and warily.

I found myself reflecting on an old favourite poem, which has this line (I quoted the poem in full earlier on this advent);

From the place where we are right, flowers will never grow in the spring

Of course, religion has a long tradition of being ‘right’. What we learn in our churches temples and mosques is first and foremost a code of belief, into which a whole set of sub-issues (and even non-issues!) are subsumed. As above, the penalty for disagreement can be appalling.

But being right is not just the premise of the hard line religious kinds. After all, nothing tingles the ego like meeting people who are wrong, so allowing us to be superior and correct. The internet has given this shadow side of our humanity far too much space, in that social media is full of it – quite a lot it from me.

Because we are such tribal creatures, we tend to approach our ‘rightness’ not from careful reasoned consideration of the issues. Rather our position on many issues is proscribed by our tribe. Our opinions then become badges of belonging, and perhaps clubs to beat each other with. Sometimes vulnerable people get caught in the crossfire.

But back to that discussion about trans rights. I am not going to rehearse the arguments here because I’m sure you have heard them all anyway.

As I get older, I am still sucked in to arguments, no doubt related to my own need to be ‘right’, but nevertheless, this is diminishing. Increasingly, I appreciate the need to leave a question open, particularly when it relates to something outside my direct experience.

Particularly when an opinion I might have has a direct impact on others.

Perhaps this seems like a cop-out. After all, some issues require the taking of a position in the name of justice. Some things are just wrong and need to be called out as such.

So I have added another condition to my open questioning – compassion.

If I am pulled towards an answer, then I must seek it from a position of compassion and love. This means applying it in places where it often does not feel deserved- to religious (or secular) bigots for example, or to our ‘enemies’.

Even to our friends on facebook.