Thanks for our toilet/chicken/fertiliser!

We have had a lovely Christmas. Today we bought the last of our presents.

We twinned our downstairs loo with a latrine in Burundi, courtesy of Cord and Tearfund.

And we bought two other gifts from Oxfam Unwrapped

A chicken (perhaps we can ‘twin’ this with one of ours too…)

And fertiliser (twinned with our compost bin? Or am I getting a bit twin-happy now?)

Before Christmas I wrote here about how we had asked our friends to think about NOT giving us a present this year- and many of them gave us money towards these gifts.

I should say that some still gave us gifts as well- and these were lovely too! Some people are so generous…

But the gifts above- they are a double blessing.

A flush of blessing.

A clucking blessing.

And a whole dung pile of a blessing.

Who knows how these things pan out (sorry- the puns kind of write themselves don’t they?) in places a long way from here. I only hope that there will be a little flicker of grace in a place much in need of some.

Because there is much grace in the giving…

It’s a cracker…

Well, Christmas is past for another year.

We have had a lovely time- we had an extra house guest as a friend had a burst pipe on Christmas eve.

Finally the hold of ice and snow has been loosened- it is raining at the moment, revealing slowly retreating treacherous sheets of wet ice.

Not a day to venture far from the fireside.

So as is my tradition, I think it is time for some bad cracker-type jokes (thanks Isobel for the raw material!)

Firstly for the numbers people

Apparently the  fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was the very well fed Sir Cumference. He acquired  his size from consuming too much pi.

Next, for the geographers-

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be
an optical Aleutian

Now for the hardened drinkers-

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

And the non-believers-

Atheism- the non-prophet organization.

For the sporty types-

He wondered why the ball just kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.

And my fellow poets-

Did you hear about the backward poet? He writes inverse.

For the engineers-

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

For the long in the tooth-

Did you hear about the Sadistic Buddhist Dentist? His goal: to transcend dental medication.

And finally- for my fellow canoeists-

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,  proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

(Perhaps I should get out more- despite the ice.)

Some incense, a black box, and friendship…

Last night our little housegroup met. It was nothing out of the ordinary- there will be small groups of people meeting like this all over the country. But this one was special- because it was mine.

We sat round the fire, and read stories about the coming of light. We sang, and ate food.

Then we shared gifts.

We had one of those ‘secret Santa’ things where each of us drew a name from a hat, and had to buy a gift for £2, and write a blessing for them.

Mine was simply brilliant. It was a gift for both Soul and Spirit.

For the soul- a little box of frankincense, along with some charcoal and an account of the uses of incense in the Bible. It is just the right sort of gift for me, from a dear creative friend who knows me well and it made me cry.

For the Spirit, a little black box, labelled ‘Chris’s survival kit’ containing 10 cards that made me laugh out loud.

Here is a sample-

(The last one is a little reference to my little swim last February!)

Brilliant!

Fresh expressions, medieval stylee…

Saw this and it made me chuckle. I think I have tried all of these options for revitalising church- before more or less settling on the last.

But lest I kid myself that I am cutting edge, lets remember that they were probably doing the same sorts of things 500 years ago.

When this video was made.
Vodpod videos no longer available.

On being both ugly and tall…

I was chuckling today-

I listened to this programme on radio 4 on my way round to Helensburgh- ‘Can pay will pay‘- examining the factors that seem to influence the amount that we earn.

I was slightly interested, as the whole wage slaving issue has been a theme of recent contemplation.

There were however some interesting facts. The average full time wage in this country is around £27K pa- but if you earn more, you will tend to overestimate this, and if you earn less, will underestimate.  Only 10 per cent earn more than £50K pa. The old regional variations continue- the average in some parts of the country is around £15K pa.

Slightly more bizarre are some of the other things that correlate with earning more or less.

For every inch over around 5 foot 7 inches, you will earn on average around a thousand pounds extra per year. As you can see from the dine figure I cut on the photo above, I am 6 feet five inches tall.

Woohoo, my ship may yet come in!

Unfortunately, ugly people will earn on average 20% less. The programme quoted a study amongst prostitutes, where ugliness will clearly affect your earning power- but surprisingly, no more than the average for the rest of the population- still around 20%. Interestingly, beautiful people do not seem to earn more, the effect is only if you are ugly.

Ah well, you gain with one hand and loose with the other…

Jesus the magician…

Bad day today- so needed cheering up. Time for some t’internet comedy.

I came across this clip- and watched in trepidation, as I do not really like people laughing a Jesus. It is like someone mocking your wife or child- if only they could see what you see…

On second watching- there seemed to be a deeper meaning here.

Something to do with the Jesus we make use of.

The Jesus who shifts product.

The Jesus who gets us what we want.

The Jesus that we can wear like a lucky charm to ward of all unpleasantness…

The Jesus who is made after our image.

Hmmmmm….

iPood…

I have been doing a lot of ‘wild’ camping over the last few years- often in places where poo-ing in porcelain is just not an option.

The rudiments of alfresco defecation have been dealt with in great detail in this book, so I will not revisit them here- much (I am sure) to your blessed relief.

However, I saw this product today, and it made me laugh…

Introducing- the iPood!

The strongest, lightweight, compact camp trowel in the world. Use it to deposit solid human waste in a hole dug 10-15 cm deep and at least 100 metres from water-bodies, camp, tracks, and watercourses. Being collapsible and lightweight, you can carry it anywhere and it even comes with a its own sack. It’s cleverly designed handle can store a gas lighter – or more realistically toilet paper. So don’t be shy, poo with pride!

Surely litigation is inevitable? Perhaps they should have a strapline like this-

Dump on those overpriced shiny electronics- get yourself a gadget guaranteed to supply the best downloads ever!

Suitable alternative toilet related captions gratefully accepted!

(I would like to make it clear that in no way does thisfragiletent endorse this product- should Apple decide to send their lawyers in my direction!)