Support for people bereaved by suicide…

choose life

My wife Michaela is conducting a piece of research for Choose Life Argyll and Bute, in partnership with Argyll and Bute Volunteer Centre, and is looking for support and information.

Over the years of delivering suicide intervention skills courses, Choose Life have become increasingly aware of the lack of resources to support people after a suicide in Argyll and Bute. They are seeking to find out more about what resources would be useful for those surviving suicide and those bereaved by suicide, alongside those professional services providing support to those at risk of suicide. The  hope is that this will lead to actual resources available across the area.

She would like to speak to people in Argyll and Bute about what has helped them after being affected by suicide, and what services they would like to see being developed in the area for themselves or others.

However she would also like to hear from others across Scotland about what services and support are available in your area for people who have experienced risk of suicide, or bereavement by suicide, including both family and staff. If there are currently groups, helplines or activities that you know of that help people in your area, it would be good to hear about it, as an idea that could be used in Argyll and Bute.

Please contact michaela on 01369 700100, or email dev.abvc@tiscali.co.uk . Also, if you know someone who has an experience that you think they would want to share that would help this project, please invite them to get in touch.

Holy Spirit mojo…

So what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

I have been struggling a bit recently. Nothing dramatic- I am well used to low level angst. But I had this feeling of being shadowed and somehow beyond reach.

If I dig into what this was about, then some of it seemed to begin in the aftermath of a few difficult exchanges- some of them on-line discussions.

Like I said, I have learned to live with these shadows. I know myself well enough to see them as part of who I am and to have become aware that Grace is more powerful- and also that the ongoing transformational encounter with God that I have had is a process– not a magical event.

I can even believe that this process can be seen as the turning of negative things to positive-

So intense sensitivity can become a way to be sensitive to others.

Introspection and introversion can become creativity and contemplation.

Damage and depression can become empathy and openness to others who had emotional pain, and passion for social justice.

Isolation and social awkwardness can be mediated through an increasing awareness love and the value of friendship and community.

Doubt and insecurity can be turned to become instead the holy, restless longing for the ‘thing just beyond’- just outside the known. They can drive us to seek after God, and to reach out a little further beyond the safe places.

And like all of us, once I identified the things I was good at- once I had found my areas of expansion- I found a platform of security to build confidence and direction.

When the things that we define ourselves by are challenged- when we fall flat on our faces, or when others take a look at what we stand on and find it wanting- this can be hard.

So when confronted with others whose confidence and self assuredness exceeds my own, and they take a swipe at the things I stand on, I tend to shrink a little. Not nearly as much as I used to, but still, I struggle.

The issues that have laid on me heavily have been these-

• How an attempt to network can lead to a perception of empire building. And how unsatisfied I am with my response to such a challenge- which has been simply to withdraw.

• A suggestion that the life I found in ‘emerging church’ conversation is just male dominated argumentative posturing.

• And that unless I moved to live in the inner city and sought to do church with people in poor estates then my faith, and my chosen social work career, and by implication my whole life, has no value.

• A need to look beyond- to ask ‘what next Lord?’, well aware that I will never be fully satisfied with my own efforts towards life and love.

In the face of these challenges, I found myself shrinking inwards- still active and functioning, but lacking vitality. But God has this way of pouring in hope again, despite my capacity to let it leak out.

This is what I think he has had to say to me.

Put down those things you carry
Sit with me a while
Stop making things so complicated
It is much simpler than that

Start from where you are
Not where you would like to be
Not where others say you should be
There may come a time when I will warm your heart towards a new thing
But right now
I just want to warm your heart

All around you is beauty
See it

All around you are people I love
And I rejoice as you learn to love them too

Look for softness in your heart
There I am

Look for tenderness
And it will be my Spirit
Calling you to community

It is not for you to cut a way into the undergrowth
Or make a road into the rocky places
Rather let us just walk
And see were this path will lead us
You and I

For my yolk rests easy
If you will wear it
And my burdens lie soft on the shoulders
If you will take them up

DSCF3469

Beer goggles/God goggles…

beergogglesFER_450x502

We were talking about the effect of the religious narcotic on our brains the other day, and someone (I think it was Ali) made the humourous, but accurate, comparison between beer goggles and God goggles.

Perhaps I should more accurately use the words ‘religion goggles’, but I am sure you get the point- the danger of we people of faith just soaking up the stuff of religion, then evaluating everything that we see and hear through a set of lens that are distorted to match our own particular perspective.

The reality is that all of us wear a set of goggles- and none of these are entirely without refraction and distortion. The difficulty is that it is very easy to become so used to the altered images that these become the only reality.

Perhaps the answer is to swop them around every now and again to see things through the (also distorted) lens that others wear from time to time?

beer_goggles3

Message in a bottle- Scarba…

On the last morning of our recent trip to Scarba, I made this little video clip.

The Whiskey bottle was emptied around our fire.

The message inside was one of the meditations we used, with our names on the back. I threw it as far as out into the Gulf of Corryvreckan as I could, in the knowledge that the whirlpool could spit it out as far as it is possible to imagine.

Was this a terrible contribution to the pollution seen in these wild places? We had a philosophy of taking only pictures and leaving only footprints. The beach that we camped next to was already littered with plastic of all colours and shapes…

Perhaps- but the romanticism of the action seemed beautiful to me. And a glass bottle- despite the risks if broken- seems to me to be more easily swallowed by the sea and made into beach glass.

If you find it, let us know!

Scarba- Aoradh wilderness trip…

(L to R) Simon R, Nick, David, Andy, Simon M and me

(L to R) Simon R, Nick, David, Andy, Simon M and me

I am just back from our visit to the beautiful Scarba

6 of us went out on Saturday, via a chartered boat from Ardfern. The intention was to find some space inside and out, and try out some of the wilderness meditations we have been working on (see here for a selection.)

Scarba is a small island Between Mull and Jura in the Inner Hebrides off the Argyll coastline. It is surrounded by some of the most dramatic tidal waters in the world. To the east is the Gulf of Corryvrecken, with it’s famous whirlpool. On the other side, the Grey dogs tidal race.

The forecast was rotten, but we had two glorious days, with the occasional shower making the sky and sea all the more dramatic. I have a sun burnt head as I forgot a hat!

We were camping, but had the use of a bothy for evenings and shelter- thanks to the owners of the Island for their generosity in letting us use it!

So we abseiled down cliffs, explored caves, scrambled over heather and bog, set up meditation walks, sat around fires, walked ancient mysterious flagged pathways, and stood on places where early Christian monks worshiped. The deer and wild goats watched from a distance, and overhead a Sea Eagle wheeled in the wind.

Oh and we laughed. We laughed a lot. Whiskey was shared and bad jokes honoured.

Single malt, smoke, sharing

Single malt, smoke, sharing

Part of my motivation for visiting places like this should be obvious from what I have already written. For me, however, there are other things driving me.

Men and spirituality.

Not easy bedfellows.

Men do lots of theological arguing, and perhaps like a nice new project. But setting time aside to seek God- this tends to be a rather alien thing. A huge generalisation I know- but one that may well have some truth.

So I set to wondering whether the problem was not we blokes and the curse of trying to be masculine in the post modern age, but rather the problem was the way the Christian church has anchored and shackled spirituality to a narrow set of activities within organised structures.

What if there are other ways- old and new ways that seek God in small adventures, and in wilderness, and in communing around fires with a good bottle?

Here are some photos from our trip (click to enlarge)…

Protestant sectarianism and emerging church…

The history of Protestantism is littered with division and conflict.

Reformation of what has already been reformed.

Schisms of schisms.

Battles over whose truth is truer and whose understanding of scripture is most enlightened.

The legacy of these truth wars can be seen in the countless Protestant descriptive labels/denominations. Here are but a few as they occur to me;

Lutherans, Wesleyans, Reformed Weslyans, Methodists, Free Methodists, Primative Methodists, Baptists, Southern Baptists, Reformed, United Reformed, Assemblies of God, Anglican, Church of Scotland, Episcopal, Quaker, Shaker, Amish, Menonite, etc etc.

This list is in part a noble one. We have learned much from the men and women of God who have celebrated faith within these organisations. Such variety speaks of the freedom that people felt to follow after God in the way they understood him, away from the central powerful control of older forms of religion. It also is a story of fervency, of revival, of movements of the Spirit across whole communities, of great leaders who were bold and true.

But there is a dark side, measured by truth promoted over love and grace, and in a serial fracturing of the unity of the Spirit. Such division can be seismic in terms of the violence done to community in the name of Jesus.

I wonder if this kind of spiritual development can become addictive and even infectious. Almost as if all new Protestant church movements carry a destructive gene within their DNA…

Scotland has had more than a fair share of this splintering and fragmenting. Take the recent very public difficulties seen in the Free Church of Scotland, which splintered as recently as 2000.

I have used this picture before- taken in a small West of Scotland town about 7-8 years ago. Two churches so close that they are almost touching- but separated by a chasm of doctrine. I should add the proviso that I do not know either of these churches, and the image may miscommunicate entirely. But I think it makes a valid point about a certain characteristic of Protestantism…

two-churches

How did we come to this, we followers of Jesus?

How did Agents of the Kingdom of God, sent out into a broken world to form revolutionary cells characterised by love, somehow sign up instead to be driven towards such segregated exclusivity?

Is this more about psychology than it is about theology? Our tendency to seek a point of expansion and accomplishment, and to measure it against others around us- elevating ourselves by finding others wanting.

I wrote this poem in an attempt to understand these things in myself-

Diplomacy

We meet and move about one another
Probing, exploring borders
Negotiating
Presenting our petition
And revealing this badge of office-
Sewn on sleeves whilst our hearts stay hidden
Revealing carefully edited glimpses
Of whom we want to be
But are not yet.

Then begins the measuring
Of the size of armies
The bore of canon
And the reach of your rockets
As we carefully deploy our camouflaged troops
To occupy the high ground
To hide uncertainty behind
A cloak of accomplishment
And capability.

Sometimes it seems that who I am is only revealed
In understanding what you are not
In seeing you
And finding you wanting
In mapping out your strongholds
And avoiding them
And raising up my tattered flag
Above this uncomfortable alliance.

Why is this important now?

Because I think that this is a real challenge to those of us who are part of the ’emerging church’ discussion, particularly here in Scotland. Some questions-

Is ’emerging church’ just another Protestant reformation- another fractious denomination in the storming and the forming- throwing stones at those whose truth is not our truth, looking around and finding others wanting.

Or are we a break from modernist Protestantism- a more generous, open, embracing movement that seeks unity, not uniformity and is willing to learn humility and to value the other.

Are we Protestant at all? Where are the emerging Catholics?

If something new and hopeful continues to emerge, in all its flawed beauty- how do we(or even SHOULD we) nurture and sustain whatever we become without following a familiar pattern of splinter and schism?

From my point of view, the story is mixed.

Emerging church has no form and no structure- at least in Scotland. It is not a descriptive definition of any way of doing church- rather it is a loose affiliation of malcontents and hopefuls, defining themselves rather by the fact that they are prepared to question and seek.

And because we are human, friction is inevitable. People compete for prominence, and justify themselves by the rightness of their cause, or the small success of their activity.

But brothers and sisters- I find myself longing for something else. Something a little more of the Kingdom, and a lot less of the Empire.

Something characterised by tolerance and love. (Even as I am intolerant and unloving.)

On forgiveness rather than defensiveness. (Even as I defend and find it hard to forgive.)

Of a willingness to enjoy one another without the need to compete. (Even as my own insecurity drives me to do the opposite.)

And a determination to see community as the origin and the means for all things- with one another and with Jesus. And that the quality of these interactions should become the measure of our success. (Even with my own history of broken community, and the wounds I carry because of this.)

This is the church I long to see emerging.

I have not desire to be part of another schism.