In a room scented by the smell of sawn timber, a man hears a voice in his inner ear calling him
it is time-
your time, and mine
enough of the mending and making and shaping of wood
time to put aside the tools
the sharp nails…
can wait.
Images by Si Smith
(From Aoradh daily meditations- the first part is here.)
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.I am sometimes invincible
And forget my need for you
Even in the shallow certainty of success
Stay with me father
.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.And when I surely succumb
To the gravity of my human condition
Let the darkness be holy
Let the black become royal purple
And the shadows
Become your open arms
.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.This means that you are never
An accidental father
You have no bastards
No unwanted drains
On your holy resources
.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.Because there is a masterpiece you made
In me
Framed in this shabby shape
Are your majestic brushstrokes
.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Unborn I was known
Unconceived I was expected
There was a space empty
Waiting for the shape of me
.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;And you became incandescent
With hope
.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.Weigh me on scales
Skewed towards grace
For my heart is heavy
With the unshed weight of my world
.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.Open me gently
To the new-
To the possibility
Of something deeper
And more beautiful
I previously mentioned that Aoradh are in the process of using an e-mailed daily mediation as a means of sharing a deliberate spiritual practice. We have a rota to take a week at a time for a six week trial period.
If you would like to receive the e-mail, then let me know.
I took the first week, and it came to me again how much a reason to create can become in itself creative. And how it can become a source of blessing in the actual creating…
Here are the first three days- a meditation on Psalm 139-
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.Yet still I hide
Still I believe that my hard disc is encrypted and password protected
Even from your
Benign virus
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.The road is long
And this day is full of demands
Let me rest too
On your soft grass verge
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.So let my words be fat with grace
And my vowels be round with kindness
Let me make you smile
When I see you in others
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.For I am frayed at the edges
Like an old coat
Shaped and scraped by warm work
And I would be conformed
Around you
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?You are not alienated by my unbelief
Or driven away by my failure
You inhabit my hopes
And dance at the very centre of all that I dream of
`
So here is my little ten part sermon based on the stacking of logs.
You can make your own analagous links.
- Stacking logs can not be rushed
- There are no machines that can stack them for you- bend your back and get stuck in
- Beginning carefully is very important- you will be building on these foundations
- Neatness is not important, but a well stocked log pile will probably be orderly
- Fresh air needs to circulate in, over and through the pile or the logs won’t dry, and will go stale and mouldy
- The rigidity and strength of a log pile comes from the closeness- the proximity- of its individual logs
- The big ego-bulging logs are the hardest to stack- they tend to topple and teeter and can easily bring the whole thing crashing down
- The smaller logs tend to be the glue that hold together the whole structure
- The higher you build the pile, the more unstable it will become
- The pile is not an end in itself- no matter how decorous. It exists to store and dry fuel that can then burn bright in service of the other
I started a new thing today.
I love the beginning of new adventures- the chance to allow new things to unfold.
This one involves a commitment to meet with my friend Paul on a regular basis, and spend some time doing some deliberately spiritual practices, and writing about them. The idea is that we take a few hours and walk into the wilderness, talk, think and meditate.
On a bench.
This was today’s bench, in the hills above Dunoon…
Today we used one of my favourite psalms-
1God, I’m not trying to rule the roost, I don’t want to be king of the mountain.
I haven’t meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.2 I’ve kept my feet on the ground,
I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,
my soul is a baby content.3 Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!Psalm 131 (The Message)
As I reflect on these ancient words, I am concious of a soul that is not content, and a heart that is unquiet.
I am puzzled too as to what things David was writing about that were ‘too great’ for him (at least in the un massaged version.) He was a king after all- but perhaps a king all too aware of his failings.
And I wonder whether I really want to stop dreaming grandiose plans- it is part of who I am. I kind of believe that our dreams should lie just beyond our grasp- just outside our comfort zones…
But in all of this, I am so aware that I need to hold on to hope.
Hope for life lived in communion with good friends.
Hope for life that is rich and deep and saturated with the things of God.
Hope for life that measures it’s meaning not by a kind of success that rots the soul.
Hope for life that is life-giving to others.
And in awareness that in this life there are no guarantees- no easy short cuts. But there are moments when what has been grey can become saturated with new colour.
Like today, on this bench…
Our housegroup met tonight- as we do every Tuesday. A smaller group than usual, just 7 of us. We have been reading through the Gospel of Mark and talking and debating the meaning of these wonderful stories. Encountering again the words of Jesus, recorded by someone who was right there to hear them spoken…
I needed to be there tonight more than usual. I was tired and weary, with a familiar weight on my soul that I feel like a band around my chest. Nothing dramatic- nothing unexpected, just the old black dog reasserting himself and shadowing me again for a while. A window given by a combination of circumstance and vulnerabilities that never quite go away.
Before we began to read, we spent some time in a simple meditation. We sat around a table on which were stones and rocks brought in from the garden, a small cross and a jug of water and glasses to drink from. Audrey read these familliar words from Matthew 11-
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
We were then invited to take a stone and consider the burdens we were carrying. And to deliberately lay them down at the foot of the cross.
Next, it was suggested that we drink in water, as a sign of God’s promise to bring life and refreshment- to fill us with living water.
But I rebelled a little. I did not want to lay down my stone. The more I looked at it, the more fascinated I was by the shape in it- which was entirely natural- cracks revealed as the stone was eroded by the action of waves on the beach we picked it up on.
What was I looking at?
Initially it looked as though I was looking at a man- and I wondered if this somehow symbolised a person.
But then I realised that the markings on the rock actually looked like a man with his arms and legs wrapped around a huge burden- and that in fact, they were carrying this burden.
Almost like they had taken on the weight of others…
It seemed to me that there was a message here of promise- or perhaps a reminder of a promise. My burden is being carried- not by me, although I easily labour under the weight of it. Rather the burden is being borne by someone else. Leaving me with the possibility of lightness and freedom. Because he is gentle and humble in heart…
This life of faith is wrapped up in mystery and doubt, or at least it is for me. But today I hold in my hand a solid sermon in stone.
And for those of us who look for doubt- we will find it.
But we should also consider this. At some point, we picked up a few stones on a beach, and left them in our garden amongst a rockery. There are thousands of stones there. Michaela gathered a few, and as part of a meditation, at a time of need, I picked up this very one…
Chance?
Serendipity?
Or- a God who seeks after us, despite everything?
I read this today- and loved it;
Question of the Day: How does one incorporate imperfection?
In a Navajo rug there is always one clear imperfection woven into the pattern. And interestingly enough, this is precisely where the Spirit moves in and out of the rug! The Semitic mind, the Eastern mind (which, by the way, Jesus would have been much closer to) understands perfection in precisely that way. The East is much more comfortable with paradox, mystery, and non-dual thinking than the Western mind which is formed by Greek logic.
Perfection is not the elimination of imperfection, as we think. Divine perfection is, in fact, the ability to recognize, forgive, and include imperfection!—just as God does with all of us. Only in this way can we find the beautiful and hidden wholeness of God underneath the passing human show. It is the gift of non-dual thinking and seeing, which itself is a gift of love, suffering, and grace. In fact, this is the radical grace that grounds all holy seeing and doing.
Richard Rohr, February 2010
So- today I am 43. Thanks so much to those who have sent wishes/cards/presents! I am a man blessed.
I share a birthday with some of my friends- Nick, Stacey and Stewart. And aparently Kim Jong-il, North Korean dictator. So best wishes to them all. I am not expecting a card from Kim.
And for those of a certain age-
(I was reading recently that tests have shown that kids who grew up watching Sesame Street out perform kids that did not in key indicators. I did not watch it as a child unfortunately- my mum thought that TV sent brains soft.)
Michaela and the kids bought me a days sea kayaking tuition! Which to some might mean they are trying to get rid of me- but I know better. It is something I have wanted to do for years. Can’t wait!
What will this year bring?
My friend Maggy gave me a book of Celtic daily prayer– and I read this-
We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide, and resist the terror of it’s ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanence, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity- in freedom, in the sense that dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
Lord Help me now to unclutter my life
To organise myself in the direction of simplicity
Lord teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change rather than fearing it
Lord I give you these stirrings inside of me
I give you my discontent
I give you my restlessness
I give you my doubt
I give you my despair
I give to you all the longings I hold inside
Help me to listen for those signs of change, of growth; to listen seriously and follow where they lead
Through the breathtaking empty space of the open door…
Amen, amen.
We are planning another wilderness trip over the bank holiday at the beginning of May (1st-3rd of May.)
This has become something of a tradition every year- a few of us take some tents to a wild place, and spend time on a kind of retreat…
See here for last year’s trip, and here for the year before…
We have enjoyed some trips to tiny Hebridean islands- Scarba, The Garvelachs, Iona, Coll, Little Cumbrae, as well as some land locked places in the Lake district, or Wales in the more distant past. What started as a few friends who liked to get away has become a more open trip- and we love to invite others of a like mind to come with us.
So, if you fancy coming, here is what to expect-
If you come, you will need to be self supporting- in the sense that you come at your own risk, taking responsibility for your own equipment and supplies. We offer friendship and opportunity, but this is no package tour! If you come, you should be used to being outdoors, and be up for a challenge. If you are unsure, then get in touch, and we can give you more details!
This year’s trip may well be to Lunga, in the Treshnish Isles. Cost of getting there from Oban will be around £50.
To whet the appetite- here are a few snippets about the place-
The Treshnish Isles are formed from 8 principal islands varying in size from less than 4 hectares to 60 hectares. The archipelago lies, at its closest, 3 km west of Mull and extends along a northeast-southwest axis for a distance of 11 km. The islands are uninhabited but that wasn’t always the case, hill forts, medieval chapels and castles prove that humans were once permanently living on these remote and unsheltered islands. The population in 1800 on Lunga was about 20. Year-round occupation ended in 1824 when Donald Campbell and his family left the island.
The Treshnish Isles are one of the most scenically evocative features of the Hebridean landscape. The islands are exposed to the open ocean, uninhabited and have no good landing sites, hence the presence of vibrant wildlife communities. The Treshnish Isles possess unique landscape, rich wildlife communities and contain habitat, which is vital for several vulnerable species. They have an archaeological history dating from early Viking times. The islands already have international recognition of their heritage value. They are designated as a Site of Special Scientific Interest (Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981) because of their unique geomorphology, populations of seals, cliff- and burrow-nesting seabirds, wintering wildfowl and populations of house mice.
So- if you want to join us- drop me a line…
So- Happy New Year to you all. I hope your celebrations tonight are suitably exuberant, whilst still sufficiently mindful of the potential damage to your liver…
Our house is filling up with old friends and their kids, up here for Hogmanay. To those who could not make it- you will be missed.
Many of us use the turning of the year as a period of reflection- over what the old year has been, and what the new one might become.
Time enough for resolutions (and then no time at all- which was the point of my last post!) perhaps we would be better to spend time just reflecting, and meditating.
And if I might suggest a theme for such ponderings, I wonder if you might find these questions helpful- which I have mentioned before– the stuff of ‘soul friendship’…
How goes it with your soul?
What is draining you lately?
What is recharging you lately?
How have you felt God speaking to you?
How have you been able to see and serve Christ in the elderly, the poor, the young, the needy, or the rejected?
What has been a spiritual high point? Low point?
What challenges are you facing in the coming days?
And in all these things, in these days, may the peace of God be with you.
this fragile tent 